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Program aims to help students turn setbacks into success By Clarence Fanto, Eagle correspondent

posted Nov 21, 2014, 11:48 AM by Jv Hampton-VanSant

cfanto@yahoo.com

POSTED:   11/05/2014 05:44:39 PM EST0 COMMENTS| UPDATED:   16 DAYS AGO

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Dr. Maria Sirois spoke with Lenox students in partnershil with Multi-Cultural BRIDGE about...

LENOX >> Resilience, the ability to bounce back from setbacks that we all experience, to use failure as a springboard to success.

That was the passionate message delivered by Maria Sirois, a Pittsfield-based licensed clinical psychologist, during a series of meetings with middle and high school students, faculty, staff, guidance counselors and parents.

The sessions at Lenox Memorial Middle and High School and at the town's community center were held on Monday and Tuesday, organized by Gwendolyn VanSant, co-founder and executive director of Multicultural BRIDGE, the local organization that promotes mutual understanding and acceptance among diverse groups in the Berkshire community.

Built around student survey questions during last year's "Pillars of Community Day" in the Lenox schools, Sirois presented the program, "Resilience and Permission to Fail" through highly interactive give and take meetings with students, as seen during the assembly for middle schoolers.

Sirois, a motivational speaker and consultant, is a frequent program leader at the Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health in Stockbridge.

During her joint presentation with VanSant, Sirois encouraged students to share their experiences with academic, athletic and social setbacks and to partner with classmates to talk about experiences that have inspired them to try ever harder to succeed.

She also asked students to guess her age — they shouted out 26 to 50s and points between — as she described her own inability as a beginner to complete an advanced ropes course during an outing with her son, 15, in La Jolla, Calif. Sirois, who's 54, candidly acknowledged her own disappointment, frustration and anger, and shared a strategy for recovering her self-esteem.

"The message for the students, at its heart, is coming to accept who they are, knowing that, in and of itself, is good enough," Sirois explained in an Eagle interview following the session with middle-schoolers. The goal, she added, is "to push away the fog of delusion we have that life is going to be easy and perfect, and embrace that in a way that actually moves us to the positive, toward what's going to help us grow and become more resilient."

Sirois had asked students to guess which celebrities had experienced repeated setbacks early in their careers before gaining fame and success. Her examples included basketball star Michael Jordan and filmmakers Walt Disney and Steven Spielberg.

Her aim with students was "to make it real, with seed-planting in 40 minutes," she added. With parents and faculty, she presented some of the positive-psychology research and science behind her message.

"Positive psychology is the study of what works," Sirois emphasized. "Ironically, when you accept the fact that perfection is not possible and you learn to use failure as the launchpad for the next level of growth, you actually move toward a thriving life in high school, college and beyond."

Explaining her technique designed to capture and hold the attention of potentially restless middle schoolers, she said: "It was trial and error. You have to keep it moving, keep it fast, and you have to do something a little unusual."

She credited VanSant's previous presentations to students for establishing a "platform of safety, so by being brought in by her, I had the sense, and I think I was right, that they would go with me, they would at least try it, and if I kept it moving, all the better."

During the assembly, Sirois and VanSant — a student of her positive psychology course at Kripalu — distributed envelopes and post-it notes. They asked students to write an example of how someone in their lives offered them support and kindness in a time of adversity. The students were told to write their names and addresses on the envelopes and seal the notes inside for mailing to their homes within a few weeks.

"I can't overstate how alone we often feel, and how helpful it is to be reminded that we aren't alone, that people have been encouraging us, even at young ages," Sirois said. "What we know from research is that kindness generates greater kindness, elevates optimism, and optimism opens the door to hope. We want hope that's grounded in reality, nothing is perfect, and things can get better. All of that is a positive cascade that comes from a simple act like this."

If she had a T-shirt for the students, said Sirois, "it would say, 'I'm not perfect' on the front and on the back, it would say, 'I'm magnificent.' Both are always true, and they matter."

Contact Clarence Fanto at 413-637-2551. On Twitter: @BE_cfanto

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